The Making of a Modern Gent Featuring Aimee Bentson
5 Ways You Can Become a Modern Gent
Today, I am on location with my good friend Aimee Bentson. You may remember her from the episode where we discussed the Dos and Don’ts of Online Dating. It was a hit episode, and I thought it would be a good idea to get her take on the modern gent these days.
So today, we are going to cover 5 ways you can become a modern gent – more importantly, a version that is authentic to who you already are. We can all look like modern gentlemen, but some of us don’t naturally want to wear a suit and tie… It’s about being shamelessly authentic in your style, attitude, and confidence.
But first thing’s first: Let’s introduce you to “It’s NOT About The Nail” – a short film (2 minutes) that fairly accurately portrays the struggle men have with women – and how our communication and motives are so different. We reference it in the show, so take a look here to know what’s up:
Let’s get on with the show! A quick note about the audio: We picked up some echo from our location, but I tried to clean up as much as possible. Please enjoy! [remember to Subscribe Here]
When becoming a modern gent, there are 5 huge things you can do to improve yourself and take your presence to the next level. They’re all simple but effective. Remember, it’s not about completely reinventing yourself overnight; rather, it’s about making subtle changes and shifts to evolve into the best version of yourself a little each day.
1 – Improve Your Communication
According to Aimee, women –all humans, really– don’t actually want advice from anyone. They want to be heard and understood, but not fixed, helped, assisted, or given any solutions unless they specifically ask for it. As you can see in the video above, that’s all kinds of true.
I’m sure you’ve had moments in your relationship(s) that reflects this exact frustration. You want to solve it, and it seems pretty cut and dry to you, but she isn’t looking for it… and it drives you crazy. Aimee says to slow your roll and remember that women just want to be heard and understood above all else.
Her second piece of advice when struggling to improve your communication comes in handy when you’re at a loss for words. Let’s imagine your wife, girlfriend, or even friend (female) is upset, and you don’t know what to do about it. You know you can’t solve it, so you’re looking for a plan B, C, D, etc. The best solution right then?
“Seriously, 90-something percent of her frustration and why she’s upset can be fix with a simple hug,” says Aimee. Who are you to argue with that? The reason I mentioned a female friend in this example is simply because your guy friends aren’t typically looking for a hug. Let’s leave that option on the back burner.
2 – Increase Your Effort
One of the biggest things you can do to boost your presence and become a modern gentleman is to increase your effort. Increase it in everything you do. THis is especially true when it comes to communicating and relationships with women. The usual stuff goes here: Use deodorant, brush your teeth and hair, shower regularly, and keep your clothes clean. This is the usual stuff because it seems pretty standard, but this is still what people complain about, so it must still be an issue some men aren’t addressing. Seriously, get it together guys.
In your relationship, your increased effort will go a long way. Taking advice from the first bullet point above, you’ll already have better communication and will hug her when you see she could use one, right? Good! Increase your effort in your appearance by just the littlest bit, and she’ll notice. Increase your effort in how you look, how you speak, and how you love, and you’ll see a big return. I know she and I can both promise that one.
3 – Elevate Your Personal Style
Being a modern gent doesn’t have to mean you suddenly show up in three-piece suits everywhere you go. It’s actually more about your ownership in what you wear and how you conduct yourself in it. Essentially, your personal style (how you dress, how you speak, how you respond to things, how you act) greatly improves when you know who you are, who you want to be (where you’d like to improve), and have a wardrobe and attitude that’s congruent to that image.
When you know your style and it fits you, you can be shamelessly authentic in it. Own the style and attitude, and elevate the little things. For example, if you’re a t-shirt and jeans kind of guy, elevate a little bit and become a Sharp Casual modern gent with a pair of nicer jeans, and perhaps a better fitting t-shirt. Small changes make big differences, but the most important thing is to understand your own style and own it with confidence.
4 – Shoot For Confidence; NOT Cockiness
Tony Robbins does a demonstration at his Date with Destiny seminar in which he has all the “manliest” men roar and come up on stage to show their confidence. After their moment, he has them return to their seats and announces the often overlooked truth: the men in the room that didn’t need to roar or stand on stage are the most confident in the room.
It’s not about how much you display or how well you can work a room. It’s actually more about your own knowingness. You know who you are and what you’re worth, and don’t have to make a lot of noise trying to get other people to notice it.
“Confidence is quiet. Cockiness is loud. If you’re the loudest guy in the room, it doesn’t mean you’re the most confident… it just means you’re the loudest.” – Aimee
I know I’ve said this a thousand times, but I invite you to take a personal inventory of all your accomplishments and the victories (big and small) you’ve had over the course of your life. Own the moments and experiences that made you who you are and allow those to help build your confidence, because that, my friend, is your track record.
A friend of mine is training to be the next MMA champion, and he sees it this way:
“Confidence is knowing you can fight anyone in the room and win. Cockiness is going out and picking a fight with everyone to prove it.”
5 – Step Away From Social Media
This may sound a little counterintuitive, but one of the best ways to learn more about who you are, what you feel, how you think, and what you want is to stop watching everyone else. Look, we are always connected to each other on social media, and it’s excellent to have access to nearly every piece of information around the world instantly… BUT, rather than expand our knowledge, we’re addicted to finding out what celebrities and politicians are up to.
We are being indoctrinated into a system that tells us what we like, what we don’t, who we respect, who we don’t, and what we want and don’t want. Take a break (try one month) from TV and all social media. If you still need news, you can get a very well written morning brief in your from the team over at theSkimm. Sign up and get your news without all the extra drama.
Another reason to lay off the social media is the fact that the political polarities in this country has probably turned your Facebook feed into an echo chamber. Everyone you know is saying the same thing, shouting the same thing, and egging you on to do the same. Step away for a bit, explore more of who you are, who you want to be, and what that guy wants in life.
I hope this episode of 5 ways you can become a modern gent gave you some interesting nuggets to chew on, and I look forward to hearing your thoughts in the comments below!
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More to come!