10 Dating Commandments for the Modern Gent
The 10 Dating Commandments for Men
Dating has progressed from meeting people in public places and having conversation to swiping left or right and texting for hookups. Does it mean all hope for a real relationship is lost? I argue that no, all hope is not lost, but you must be aware of the rules of the game so you don’t fall victim to it. This goes for men and women.
In this episode, I’m going to cover the 10 dating commandments for men – especially Modern Gentlemen. They’re not difficult, but they almost certainly end in disaster if not followed. Everything from who to where, to when, and why is listed, so let’s get started. [Subscribe Here]
1. Thou Shall be Well-Groomed
Essentially, put yourself together, man. Consider the impression you’re making when you go out on a date. You do not have to be dressed up like you’re going on a job interview, but in a way, you are going on an interview on the first date. Dress like you take your appearance seriously. Dress like you respect her opinion of you, so you’re putting an effort into your appearance.
When you arrive looking like you couldn’t care less about that unruly mane, those baggy, torn jeans, and that button up shirt you pulled out of pile on your bedroom floor, you’re telling her that you don’t have your shit together. Don’t be that guy. Make an effort to be clean and freshly ironed so you’re good to go.
2. Thou Shall Not Mix Business with Pleasure
This commandment is critical. Far too many people are dating coworkers and those in the same circle, and it’s never a positive experience. Sure, it begins with beautiful convenience. She’s at work so you get to sneak little breaks in the day and share sexual innuendo until it’s time to go home and make it happen. But, more often than not, the relationship sours and you’re left working together, judging each others’ actions, and future relationships.
You can’t see her at home, you can’t see her out and about, and now you can’t stand seeing her every day at work. In some cases, one of you will have to leave the job because it’s such a conflict. Seriously, don’t mix business with pleasure. For those of my friend listening/reading this, don’t date the servers, don’t date the managers, just don’t take home a date from the same place you take home a paycheck.
3. Thou Shall Not Take Her to YOUR Bar
Many guys have that one local spot that’s theirs. It’s the Cheers of our lives – everyone knows our name, they’re always glad we came, etc. You’re welcome to have and enjoy your local spot. Do not, however, take her to your local spot. You are a regular and the other regulars have seen you with other women. Hell, if you’re a true regular at this bar, you’ve also probably tried to take a waitress or bartender home at some point.
If you take your date to your local watering hole, the one in which you’re a regular, you will have all eyes on your date. They’re judging her. They’re judging you. They know your secrets and your history, and if they like her, they may even share some of it (good or bad) with her when you go to the restroom. This plays into the previous commandment too: don’t mix business with pleasure. She’s in one category and the bar is in the other – you decide which is which, but don’t mix them.
4. Thou Shall Have Integrity
The greatest thing you can do for yourself in the dating game is to have clarity of who you are. Couple that with knowing what you want, and you have a solid foundation for finding success in love. This clarity is what keeps you in your integrity as you go out in the world. Make sure you operate within it so you don’t make mistakes, come off fake, or agree to things you don’t want.
Speaking honestly, chasing goals, braving challenges, and taking responsibility for your actions is how you operate inside your integrity. Do the things you say you will. Be the guy who knows what he wants, and attains it, honestly and unapologetically. A woman deserves a man who is certain of his future, of himself, and of her.
5. Thou Shall Take a Woman on Proper Dates
Moreover, these date need to be pre-planned most of the time. Look, we all love the idea of a spontaneous date that’s romantic and earns us Brownie points, but we have to recognize that we’re not very good at making that happen. Unfortunately, we end up indecisive and boring by discussing where to go on our date.
“Where do you wanna go? I dunno, where do you wanna go? I dunno, where do you wanna go? I dunno, where do yo–––”
Take command and plan real dates. Plan dinners. Make reservations. Get tickets to a show. If you’re having her over for dinner, plan the night out with what you’re going to cook/eat (I always vote you cook – here’s a recipe), and getting a bottle of wine. A man with initiative is a man destined for better dating experiences. Spontaneous moments win because they’re few and far between. If everything is last minute, you’re going to be the last in line on her list of priorities, Stud.
6. Thou Shall Not Share Previous Sex Life Stories
This commandment is an interesting one because some groups agree and others don’t see the issue. As a general rule, don’t share your previous sexual endeavors with your date. If your ex did that thing with her legs and you want your current lady to do it too, make the suggestion, but don’t explain where it came from or who taught it to you.
If she was telling you about this guy she used to date that did this thing and it made her purr like a kitten, you would be pretty upset. You might even see her in a completely different (and not flattering) light, and might end the relationship. Use your past experience as a guide to what you like and you know how to do, and build from there. Don’t bring up the ex unless you want her in your relationship too (and you probably don’t).
7. Thou Shall be Respectful & Practice Manners
This isn’t necessarily a dating commandment as much as it is a commandment for modern life. Speak to your date with respect and attention. Don’t speak poorly of others because it reflects YOUR character more than theirs. When out on a date, practice manners like opening doors, paying the tab, and letting her order first. You can both argue about who should pay based on her beliefs, but the rule is to default to you paying.
Personally, I invite you to practice manners and chivalry because it’s good for you, regardless of whether she appreciates it or not. If you’re always being kind, respectful, and generous with your manners, and you’re doing it because you enjoy it, you won’t need anyone’s recognition, and it speaks volumes about your character. Be that guy. That’s the kind of guy you’d like for your daughter, right?
8. Thou Shall be Self-Sufficient (domesticated enough)
As a modern man, you need to know how to be self-sufficient in your life. You do your own laundry, clean up your own place, tend to your own wounds, and prepare your own meals (the essentials). She is not looking to be your mother, so do not ask her to be.
You are the master of your own domain, right? Well, that master should be able to command everything in it on his own. If he needs to have people come in to cook, clean, do his laundry, and kiss his boo-boos, then he’s no master to anyone. You don’t have to be a chef or have a home that’s spotless, but you absolutely should have your shit together enough to be able to entertain a woman in a clean house with a meal of some sort.
9. Thou Shall Not Talk About Himself All Night
We all know that one person that always talks about him or herself, right? It’s exhausting. More often than not, we end up not really sharing anything because they’re just going to hijack the conversation and talk about themselves all night. Well, don’t be that guy on your date. Don’t be that guy in general!
Ask great questions and open creative dialogue. Instead of asking about her job or school or family, ask about her adventures, her favorite vacations, her favorite foods, her dreams and craziest ideas, etc. Get into better conversation by getting out of the box. Just like networking to win, the idea is to create a space where the other person is free to share and expand. They’ll leave at the end of the night feeling fulfilled with how much listening and attention you paid them.
Talk about yourself, yes, but make sure you’re aware of it. Don’t allow yourself to be the center of attention, and you’ll be on course for a successful date.
10. Thou Shall Not Expect to ‘Seal the Deal’
With dating becoming less and less personal, it’s easy to swipe right and find a warm body for the night. The issue here is that we’re creating a culture that believes a date means sex. If that’s all you’re looking for, be honest up front, and see what happens. Sometimes your night is over, and sometimes your night begins.
As a general rule that’s good for us all (and how we judge healthy relationships), thou shall not expect to ‘seal the deal’ after the date. Whether it’s the first date or the fifteenth, approach the relationship with an open mind and adventure. Be honest and creative and when the time comes, you’ll both be glad. The idea of ‘hit it and quit it’ has done more harm than good.
Disclaimer: I know some of these made me sound old-fashioned and/or feminist. Both are true. I help men build incredible relationships and I’m proud to call myself both of those things. Romance and chivalry are alive and well when men aren’t lazy about them.
So what do you think of these Dating Commandments for Men?
Are there any you think I missed? Which of them resonates most powerfully with you?
Share in the comments below so we can connect!